It has been another weekend where I didn’t have to study for an exam and for that I am grateful. I go through waves of emotion towards where I am in life right now because half of me is like “you should be studying every minute of every day to soak up all the RD information” and the other part of me is like “this is life right now, you have a second to breathe, and learning will come when it comes, it doesn’t need to be constant”. I lean more towards the latter even though sometimes I feel guilty for it?
Anyways, this weekend I…
- Celebrated! My parents have been married for 27 years and I think that’s amazing. I come a family with successful marriages and it makes me hopeful for my future husband and I. Also while we are on this point, yes, I do think about my future husband and I pray for him. I ask God to bless him with the qualities of understanding, humor, faith, and a knowledge of what is good in life. I think when you are in your 20s you think about that stuff and it’s good to know what you want.
I also celebrated my grandpa! He was honored for his work he has done as a lawyer, community man, and current chair of a hospital board. He is the most humble man I have ever met and I look forward to our (almost) daily phone check ins. He has taught me so much in life it would take numerous blog posts to write that all down.
2. I hiked! A lot. I lead a hike for Athleta Pasadena at Eaton Canyon and I lead the last hike for my hiking class at the Beaudry Loop in Glendale. I got in 10+ miles this weekend and lots of fresh air!
3. I ate. My mom and I ordered in on Friday because Fridays are one of my longest days at school and I come home ready to drop on the floor. We shared Tandoori Chicken and Veggie Curry + LOTS of garlic Naan!
I have also been on an ice cream kick! My sweet tooth changes with the seasons. At christmas I will want nothing else besides my grandmas butter cookies and some days dark chocolate is fine too! I’ve been loving a few spoons of the So Delicious brand flavors!
I went out to Bacari in Glendale with my friend Monica for some Rose and noms on Saturday! Pictured are fries with a spicy sauce and an egg!
Lastly, I made my weekly Cauliflower Pizza! I used the red pepper crust this week with pesto and goat cheese and OMGGGGG. Try it.
As for the anxiety part of this post, I’ve decided to try and stop my meds. For those of you who know me personally or watch my stories and feel like you know me personally you know that I have anxiety. My anxiety has improved greatly since undergrad Junior year (the height of my anxiety) but I still take meds. I’m on a low dose of an every day med and I have a low dose of Xanax for emergency attacks which I rarely use. It came time for my pharmacy to say I have to have a meeting with my psychiatrist to refill the prescription and I’ve decided to try the methods I’ve been doing along side the meds for now and stop the meds to see how I do. After all, I’ve grown a lot this last year and I think I can try now.
Here are the biggest things that calm and center me.
- Yoga. Even 20 minutes of flow help center my brain and get out the jitters I have. It’s amazing to me what this practice has done for me.
- Essential oil baths. I don’t even have to fill the bath up to half way. I just need to sit in some hot water with some Eucalyptus oil and inhale for a while till I relax.
- Meaningful exercise. I just do what I want to do. I hate that people feel like they need to force themselves to workout rather than listening to their body. If you want to walk because you are mentally exhausted from the day then freaking walk. Don’t force yourself to go to the spin class that Instagram influencer told you to go to because *news flash* your life is different…
- Accept my imperfections and love them. I am not a size 2. I have cellulite some places and guess what ITS OKKKKKKK.
- Lastly, tell myself that I am enough. I can’t tell you how many times a week one of these subjects comes up. Why I am single. My goals as a future RD. My current life living at home as a 22 year old who studies more than she goes out and does 22 year old things whatever the hell those things are.
- I’m single because all the guys I’ve dated (for like 2 seconds might I add) have not worked. I have high standards and I refuse to lower them. When something feels right then it will happen. I’ve come to terms that my dating track record has not been typical and thats ok- I’m not a typical person.
- My goals as a future RD are to educate and empower people. How and when I do that is up in the air because I’m still a student! I learn so much every day from class, teaching, watching, reading, and living. I know one thing for sure and that is one thing that fires me up more than anything is seeing people cut foods out of their lives to look a certain way. I want to shake them and say “STOP IT” but I can’t. All I can do is set an example by eating everything because I’ve found thats the best way to live happily, without restriction, and to be able to enjoy all types of cuisine.
- My current life. To be honest most of the “current life” questions come from my personal friends or random people who follow me or have met me like once who without knowing it, clearly are imposing judgment while they think they aren’t. I’m dedicated to school and my family at this point in time and thanks I don’t want to live in an apartment and go out and party to blow off steam or I also don’t want to go back on bumble and keep swiping because thats not who I am. I am embracing where I am in life even if its unconventional and nothing anyone says or does can sway my opinion because I make my own decisions without the influence of others.
SIDE NOTE: Please know that being on medication is OK. I am in no way saying that medication is bad and we should be off of it. I appreciated my medication for helping me live a more normal life with horrible anxiety. The difference is now I have overcome many of the things that have given me anxiety and I feel as though I can do without my pills. I actually encourage medication if you have tried to cope with your anxiety but have felt like your coping mechanisms are not enough. This is just my personal story and you are not me so please do what is right for you! xoxo ok rant over.
I think at the height of my anxiety I didn’t know myself. I thought I did, but I didn’t. I’m not saying I know myself 100% now either but I’m so much closer. Living with myself and knowing I’m enough has helped. I know I’m loved by my family + friends and God and that’s helped me come to terms with many things. I know coming off meds might make me a little on edge but I hope to pray it out, yoga it out, cry it out, and then pick myself back up and live!