It has been another weekend where I didn’t have to study for an exam and for that I am grateful. I go through waves of emotion towards where I am in life right now because half of me is like “you should be studying every minute of every day to soak up all the RD information” and the other part of me is like “this is life right now, you have a second to breathe, and learning will come when it comes, it doesn’t need to be constant”. I lean more towards the latter even though sometimes I feel guilty for it?
Anyways, this weekend I…
- Celebrated! My parents have been married for 27 years and I think that’s amazing. I come a family with successful marriages and it makes me hopeful for my future husband and I. Also while we are on this point, yes, I do think about my future husband and I pray for him. I ask God to bless him with the qualities of understanding, humor, faith, and a knowledge of what is good in life. I think when you are in your 20s you think about that stuff and it’s good to know what you want.
I also celebrated my grandpa! He was honored for his work he has done as a lawyer, community man, and current chair of a hospital board. He is the most humble man I have ever met and I look forward to our (almost) daily phone check ins. He has taught me so much in life it would take numerous blog posts to write that all down.
2. I hiked! A lot. I lead a hike for Athleta Pasadena at Eaton Canyon and I lead the last hike for my hiking class at the Beaudry Loop in Glendale. I got in 10+ miles this weekend and lots of fresh air!
3. I ate. My mom and I ordered in on Friday because Fridays are one of my longest days at school and I come home ready to drop on the floor. We shared Tandoori Chicken and Veggie Curry + LOTS of garlic Naan!
I have also been on an ice cream kick! My sweet tooth changes with the seasons. At christmas I will want nothing else besides my grandmas butter cookies and some days dark chocolate is fine too! I’ve been loving a few spoons of the So Delicious brand flavors!
I went out to Bacari in Glendale with my friend Monica for some Rose and noms on Saturday! Pictured are fries with a spicy sauce and an egg!
As for the anxiety part of this post, I’ve decided to try and stop my meds. For those of you who know me personally or watch my stories and feel like you know me personally you know that I have anxiety. My anxiety has improved greatly since undergrad Junior year (the height of my anxiety) but I still take meds. I’m on a low dose of an every day med and I have a low dose of Xanax for emergency attacks which I rarely use. It came time for my pharmacy to say I have to have a meeting with my psychiatrist to refill the prescription and I’ve decided to try the methods I’ve been doing along side the meds for now and stop the meds to see how I do. After all, I’ve grown a lot this last year and I think I can try now.
This is NOT to say if you are on meds you are less than. Please don’t think I’m saying that. I just wanted to see if I needed them still, you know?
Here are the biggest things that calm and center me.
- Yoga. Even 20 minutes of flow help center my brain and get out the jitters I have. It’s amazing to me what this practice has done for me.
- Essential oil baths. I don’t even have to fill the bath up to half way. I just need to sit in some hot water with some Eucalyptus oil and inhale for a while till I relax.
- Meaningful exercise. I just do what I want to do. I hate that people feel like they need to force themselves to workout rather than listening to their body. If you want to walk rather than take that HIIT class because you are mentally exhausted from the day then walk!
- Accept my imperfections and love them. I am not a size 2. I have cellulite some places and guess what ITS OKKKKKKK.
- Lastly, tell myself that I am enough.
I think at the height of my anxiety I didn’t know myself. I thought I did, but I didn’t. I’m not saying I know myself 100% now either but I’m so much closer. Living with myself and knowing I’m enough has helped. I know I’m loved by my family + friends and God and that’s helped me come to terms with many things. I know coming off meds might make me a little on edge but I hope to pray it out, yoga it out, cry it out, and then pick myself back up and live!
If we go back on, we go back on!