I spent this weekend in Ogden Dunes, Indiana again with my family for Fathers day. It was special and I had several great conversations and experiences that were really thought provoking. I thought I would share them with you.

The first experience was with brownies. I know, what major life decisions can come out of brownies you may ask? Actually, lots. So a little backstory with brownies. My grandma makes the ones from Ghiradelli and they are my FAVORITE EVER. Back in the days of my eating disorder they were my worst enemy because I would go ham and eat half a baking dish of them and then feel immense feelings of guilt and feel the need to compensate by way of exercise, usually. Part of that nasty restrict, binge, cycle. Over time through working through becoming an intuitive eater and finally reaching recovery from that part of my life, the brownies and I met again this weekend. I’m sure we had met several times prior to this weekend but this time I felt like really thinking back to my past time with these brownies and sitting with those feelings and comparing those feelings to where I am now.

So yeah, I ate a lot of brownies. It wasn’t a super peaceful experience because I did eat them a little chaotically but no one is perfect. I also ended up being fuller than I would have liked but instead of dwelling on that feeling I dwelled on the following feelings.

The fact that the brownies were SO GOOD. The eating experience was also awesome- surrounded by my family.  The fact that I allowed myself to have as many as I darn pleased and I never felt deprived nor any sort of guilt- I did not steal the brownies. The fact that I just walked right up to bed and cozied in with my book and sat with the full feelings knowing it would go away in a few hours. Fullness is not bad and it’s ok to not reach that perfect satisfaction all the time. You win some you loose some. I had more of this objective look on my life and it was really cool. If you are working through the intuitive eating principals know that its possible to reach a point of peace in your life too!

WINNING.

The second experience was my favorite. I was out in the middle of Lake Michigan on a little sunfish (a small sailboat) with my uncle and cousin sans technology and I swear to you I had several life realizations in that moment. The most notable was deciding to give myself a chance. I have been really, I mean really wrestling with the idea of where I want to move after graduation because I would like to give myself some space to grow. I don’t have any major stressors in my life right now with very little distractions and I have lots of time to think so I think that’s why this thought is more on my mind than ever before.

The choice is sort of this… Family or me. I am a very giving human and being close to family has to be one of my most favorite things in the world. Moving back to Chicago or staying in LA would mean I have lots of family to do life with and some familiarity. Chicago also means moving back to a city I know well, have lived in for 4 years, and its super safe. Safe in the sense that it’s comfortable- not literally- Chicago is really not safe- ha!

The other choice is a new city. A city that I have a few close friends in and nothing more. In other words it’s an opportunity to grow and breathe and try all the new things. I really want that and I want to give myself that chance. I would be giving up family and familiarity though, and that’s super hard for me. Out on that lake though I was high on life and realizing that I will be 25 at the time of moving, graduating with my MASTERS, and becoming an RD. What’s one more new thing on the table? I try it for a year and then if I hate it I move home to LA or to Chicago where I feel comfy.

I just had this little moment of pepping myself up saying- you deserve some time to be a little selfish. Not in a way that’s self-centered but in a way that’s full of growing experiences and excitement. Robyn said this awesome thing that I will forever be grateful for. Make decisions out of freedom, not fear. Chicago is filled with a some fear. Fear of missing out. Fear of missing good days in my grandparents/older relatives lives. Fear of missing my cousin Ella grow up. Fear of missing my friends here and seeing them live it up on social media. Fear of missing familiarity. Chicago has more than fear in that choice (there is SO MUCH LOVE HERE) but there’s a lot of fear there. Moving somewhere else also has fear- fear of being lonely, of feeling scared, of little to nothing being familiar and comfortable BUT it also has way more freedom.

I’m not making any decisions for a few months- were talking Feb or Much 2019 BUT it’s on my mind and I thought I would write it down in case anyone was wresting with some big decisions and you had some fear vs. freedom thoughts. I have no idea what will happen in the next few months in my life but if there’s anything I’ve learned from getting to know myself better is that sitting with emotions and thoughts is incredibly important. Suppressing emotions only leads to feeling blocked. Letting them out allows you to look at them objectively and see what you are really thinking and really feeling.

Whatever choice I end up making will be a great choice with ups and downs to that choice and I’m cool with that.

So here’s to the potential for new freedom mixed with a little fear and A LOT of exciting things to come.

Happy Tuesday 🙂

This new session of life calls for some new blog changes. The last time I announced some changes in my posting schedule I made them a little crazy and unmanageable and I want to take a step back but still be here. Since I truly have nothing but time in the month of June I thought it would be a great time to try this schedule out! I’m hoping for two posts a week- if I don’t get to that then one it is. I’m hoping for Tuesday and Friday. One post will be Intuitive Eating/nutrition/health focused because I want to make this place a resource for those wishing to learn more and for me to get better at writing and then a personal post because I enjoy those.

(Celebrated 24 with 2 of my best and longest friends!)

The personal posts will be either weekend recaps, monthly intentions, travel, favorite things, or things I’m learning at 24. I wish more people talked about their experiences in their young 20’s because they are HARD. Social media makes it look effortless to be out at a bar at night and soaking up the beach or a coffee shop during the day. Social media makes it look like everyone has this wonderful group of friends that surround them constantly (I totally do this too- I’m not saying I don’t). Social media makes it seem like no one goes through hard stuff. I can’t be the only one you guys. I know there are others but we just choose not to speak of the harder things. I’m ok with not being ok sometimes and I hope that can come through on the blog here so that if you feel alone or lonely in those feelings you no longer have to feel that.

(Confession: I didn’t have any friends together for my 23 because my anxiety was through the freaking roof and I didn’t feel like celebrating myself. This year I made up for it with my closet friends in LA celebrating me and it felt awesome! My heart was bursting the whole day.)

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I’m not the only one. There are other wonderful single 24 year olds. There are other wonderful, successful, and dynamic individuals who also walk with anxiety. There are other people who do most of their things alone because their friends live all across the country or city of LA and sometimes it’s not possible to be together. There are also people who feel lonely in those times, like I do. There are other 24 year olds in graduate school who live at home and feel a little behind everyone else their age because they don’t have an income yet and feel insignificant at times. There are other 24 year olds who pray that they are following the Lord’s path for them and hope they aren’t screwing it up.

I am not alone.

With that here are my June intentions:

1. Do less, enjoy more.

I took this month in Chicago to BE. That is it. Nothing fancy. The second people hear I traveled from LA to Chicago for a month they are like “oh for an internship/work?” or “oh! what are you doing though…”. I’m literally doing nothing but enjoying life.  I’ll be staying in my best friend’s sister’s open room in her apartment while she travels to Dublin. When else in my life will I have a time to just enjoy an awesome city that is my second home with no strings attached? Let me go ahead and answer that for you… probably never. This is my last summer break. Come next May I will be Constance Genevieve Weissmuller, MS. Come June/July I will be Constance Genevieve Weissmuller, MS, RD!!!! Then I pick up and move my life to a place that feels right and open my Telehealth practice and take a part time job. I’ll be in the workforce and I’ll have to support myself. So this really is it. LET’S SOAK. IT. UP.

Rosé for everyone!

I wanted to challenge myself to get away from my busy life back in LA to see if I could slow it down and enjoy. I already caught myself spiraling into a busy headspace last night when I was thinking of applying to this thing that would take me out of Chicago for a week to explore and do xyz and then I was like wait… no. I had to actively tell myself to do less, not more, and to simply be. I want to enjoy the smaller things like the view of  Lake Michigan, a simple hour with a good friend over a glass of wine, holding hands with my little cousin Ella as I take her to the park. There’s beauty in the smaller things and I’m determined to cultivate that in myself this June.

2. Write 3 things I’m thankful/grateful for from that day in my journal. 

I started journaling after I found it cathartic one day that I really wanted to spill all this stuff to my therapist but didn’t get to see her for a few more days and realized I could make this a regular thing. So for about a month I have been journaling and it’s awesome. I find that that’s where my negative thoughts live though- some positive to counteract them but mostly its what I’m sad/mad about and I want to spiral up and list the good stuff from that day. I started last night and it was great. One thing was definitely the moment below. Unreal.

3. Stick to this blog schedule and go outside my comfort zone.

I have a confession. I’m scared to talk about Intuitive Eating or any nutrition thing in a dedicated way on here for fear of being wrong. I’m scared I don’t know enough or I’m not going to say it well enough. I’m scared there are other people who have already said it or who are way more educated than I am. BUT I want to push through that fear and try because those things are all true to some extent but we can’t live in fear. If we did what would we ever get done in life? SO I’ve decided to high light each of the Intuitive Eating principals and make a little series. I’ll include information and the science behind it (if there’s some relevant research) to the best of my ability and then my personal take on it in hopes that it can help some of you.

Those are my 3! Do you have any June intentions or would you like to join me in any of these?! I would love to have you join me and comment what you would like to join with in the comments. I’ll announce these on instagram too in case any of you want to join there.

Hi, hello!

I’ve decided it’s time for a break. My therapist and I just started to discuss the pressure I perceive in my life and the pressure that is there and not going away versus the pressure I put on myself and can take off for bit to give me a break. My anxiety has come back with a vengeance these last few months as the pressure of finishing grad school, interning, keeping up with friends and relationships, constancelyeating, futurizing about my internship or career, volunteering for the Y and AYSO, teaching 2 classes, writing a thesis, babysitting, it’s all just too much. The anxiety isn’t in the form of panic attacks like undergrad it’s more of a constant buzzing in my brain that I can’t turn off. It’s super annoying and I can’t find peace….anywhere. I’ve pretty much hit a wall and realized I need to take as much off my plate as I can so that I can just be diligent with my work and with what I need to be doing right now, not in a few months and certainly not in a few years.

(My grad school friends have become close friends these past 2 years and its weird that we will all be in different hospitals for the next year vs. sitting next to each other in classes- still trying to process how things are changing and I’m soaking up lots of time with them while we have it!)

A lot of my perceived pressure is the pressure I put on myself to be better and to figure out what’s going to set me apart as an RD from all the other wonderful practitioners out there. You know what’s wrong with that thought? That’s literally a problem for NEXT YEAR or LONGER. Between now and next year I have to finish my course work and finish a 1,200 hour internship before I have to even seriously sit down with those thoughts. Sure, I can pursue my passions in nutrition and read literature and have experiences as an intern and 23 (almost 24) year old that eventually gets me there but spending serious mental energy comparing myself and stressing myself out right this minute isn’t helping me get anywhere.

Another thing that isn’t totally necessary is me writing in this space. I felt like I should be writing here versus actually wanting to write here. What I do love is instagram! You can catch me on stories every day and I post often about food or people that inspire me or outfits I love so for now I’ll be present there versus here.

(I FINALLY got to ride the paddle boats at Echo Park lake- I don’t know why it took me so long to do it? Trying to do more things without an occasion). 

I’ve put off working on my thesis till I get a way better handle on my last 3 big assignments of my school CAREER! Thesis isn’t due till I graduate a year from now so I have some time to chill out- I still want it done before August though. I’ll be done with course work in May and man, I’m excited. I’ll be heading to Chicago for June to get away from the hustle and bustle of LA to a slower and more walkable place where I feel really at peace. Cubs games, lake days, lunches with friends, family time, can’t wait!

I’m focusing on the friends that give me the most life and focusing on doing things that make me happy versus focusing on the things I feel like I should be doing or things I did and that I might regret. Life is too damn short and I want to enjoy it- even the little moments that I don’t feel like are super important because I feel like I’m going to look back and they will have been more important than I thought.

So for now I’m focusing on school, teaching, interning, instagram, and trying to be gentle with the way I talk to myself and treat myself. I think therapy is going to help me a lot with slowing down and re-framing some of those negative comparison thoughts. Maybe some of you can relate to this? I hope to come back here every now and again but for the time being I’m taking a little break or at least taking the pressure off myself to post 🙂

Happy Easter to all of you who celebrate!

(Margs to celebrate my best friend finishing her career as a Nurses Aid and onto her next adventure with nursing school in Philadelphia for the next 14 months. Trying to soak up my last month with her close by and working on knowing that our next year is going to be hard but good. Clinicals for the both of us! )

Now, below these words are the highlights of 2017. I like picking a few big things out of each month so I can remember, but also to note that each month brought something new and different to 2017 and all were important! I promise you 2017 was not all highlights. I cried a lot. People made me feel mad, sad, and frustrated. School made me feel exhausted and not smart some days. People came in and out of my life and there were heavy emotions. I lost my great uncle, almost like a third grandfather to me, and had to watch my dad loose the second biggest role model to him and watch my family grieve once again. Life isn’t all a highlight reel but I want to look back on 2017 through the high point lens and just acknowledge that there were lows. If we don’t experience and accept negative emotions then we are simply denying a fact of life. Not everything can be positive or looked at in a positive light and I think if we try that there is a lot of denial going on. So all that to say, I’m human and I have crappy parts of life and myself that I don’t enjoy just like you do! However, I had a freaking blast this year.

I hadn’t planned this year to be “the most fun year yet” but in my last 23, it has been hands down the year I’ve smiled the hardest and for that I’m so grateful! I think that has a lot to do with the friends I’ve made through grad school and for the personal choice of putting myself out into the world to open up myself to others more than I already have. I mentioned I cried a lot this year, much like 2016, but these tears were different. In 2016, I was still working on my anxiety (I still am now but it’s no longer the center of my attention) and it was a big transition year for me. I cried because I left college, because every day things still made me incredibly anxious and that pissed me off, and I cried because that year was lonely at times. When we have huge transition years, graduations, deaths, marriage, personal victories, etc, I think that is to be expected. 2017 tears were because I told myself it was ok to be vulnerable and I sort of knew that tears would just come with that. Vulnerable not just in personal life, in school life (speaking my mind on a huge presentation and teaching my students with my heart in it, not just my head), in fun situations (saying my studying can wait, this random concert opportunity can not) etc.

I share my personal life with you, to an extent. There is A LOT I leave out because, well, it’s personal and I’m not about to make this blog switch from constancelyeating to constancelydating or constancelybeinga20something because 23 is a weird freaking year and getting rude comments on how I’m choosing to live my personal life via DM on instagram or on a blog comment is really hard to deal with. Also, personal life stuff is just personal- super simple. I get asked the question “when am I getting grand kids?!” or “soooo, any cute boys in your life right now?!” (or something along those lines) a couple of times a week when I’m just living my life and it wears. a person. DOWN.

The answer to those above questions are, in this order, “I don’t know when you are getting grandkids, that’s for God to decide”, and “mm I’m working on it”. So, this year has just been a TON of trial and error, a lot of “mmm not sure how that makes me feel”, “oh gosh, I need to get out of here”, lots of alone time in my thoughts and prayers, and tons of time just “saying screw it, “let’s do it!” (not even kidding you, it’s either said in my head or out loud and it usually ends up being super fun or I learn a lot from it). So, in short, in 2017, I cried a lot of personal growth tears and I don’t regret them. 2016 was transition tears. What kind of tears will come in 2018 I have no freaking clue but I’ll be there saying some more of  “screw it, let’s do it!” and probably some “nope, tried that before, learned from it, and moving on!” because that’s what your 20’s are for, or so I’m told. They are for learning a lot and I totally get that.

I have no goals for 2018 except for hoping to be on the blog a little more and to continue being curious about everything, people, nutrition, life, school, etc. I don’t plan on changing my body or diet in any way and I hope to become a more confident intuitive eater and do lots of continuing education.

Now, on to the FUN STUFF. I realized a lot of money was spent on airfare in 2017, probably won’t change that in 2018!

January

Before starting school I hopped on a plane to Seattle to visit one of my best friends Heather from high school. I had never been before and I LOVED it. I think this was the first trip I had ever planned by myself and was just like yup, I want to go there so it’s happening. I also got to see my Chicago gal pal Allison for a bit. I ate LOTS of great food (including Molly Moons ice cream below) and actually linked it (for what I ate and did- also my favorite coffee of all time) all here.

I started my Spring Semester at CSULA taking all the second parts to classes like Medical Nutrition Therapy, Advanced Nutrition, Management Principals in Dietetics , and Maternal Nutrition among others. This was I think my hardest semester looking back at it. So. many. numbers.

I posted this photo at the end of January and remember feeling super happy with how this dress fit (cellulite and imperfections included). 2017 was the beginning of me embracing dressing my body and loving it. I gave away a ton of clothes that didn’t fit me anymore and just let it go.

February

Much of the same, school wise. Later in this month was my first year being an advisor for the Youth and Government YMCA program and going to Sacramento as an adult and not a high school teen! So fun. I do remember having to sprint back to my room to get a few hours of studying in between sessions. This year that won’t be the case. Can I get an amen for no more MNT?!

This trip to Scramento was also cool because I only packed necessary snacks (granola bars/trail mix/apples for snacks that I did’t want to pay triple the price for at a store or hotel lobby) and just sort of browsed the city for food when I felt like it. Patted myself on the back for that intuitive eating decision.

That month I was asked to speak to the senior group at the Y to answer some of their nutrition questions and I was so excited! This would later lead to speaking to more senior groups later in the year because people enjoyed it. I started to realize teaching was something I really enjoyed.

March

Addie and May came to LA and stayed with me! We had so much fun trying new restaurants and putzing around LA. We took so many photos of our food and no one got mad- ha!

Next up was Expo West- such an overwhelming but fun experience! It’s a giant food show where vendors and bloggers/foodies meet and eat a TON of the most random combos of food ever like an ice cream sandwich and then some pasta and then a chip and then a protein smoothie with Cheerios in it.  I finally got to meet my pals Emilie, Haley, JJ, and more! It was so nice hugging people in real life after feeling like you know them so well off the internet. Meeting them was also really important to me because they are all in my shoes and it’s so nice to have people studying nutrition and being a young 20 something to just talk life with.

April

More school + I left for Chicago at the end of March-first week of April for my Spring break to see my family and friends! Lot’s of Jenis ice cream, pizza from my favorite Italian place, train rides to see my grandparents, and hugs from my Chicago humans.

Ella she’s so big now UGH! We celebrated her 5th birthday this year!

May

May was a lot of finishing up with school and trying not to loose my marbles. I always feel like towards the end of any semester I start going a little crazy and my main goal is just to keep it together. May is always filled with celebrations, friends graduating, friends birthdays etc. Always fun to celebrate!

HOORAY. I remember walking out of this final almost collapsing on the floor. I think it took me almost the whole 2.5 hours to complete the last MNT thing before my clinical rotations and we were so stinkin happy- look at us- all the smiles!

June

I turned 23! June was such a fun month I planned another trip to Seattle because, why not, and I just began to feel really confident in myself as an intuitive eater, a 20 something, and I just had lots of grateful thoughts. Maybe it was because I didn’t have classes weighing me down and this was my first break since graduating college?! Whatever it was, it was fun.

Went on the coolest hike (Lake 22) this time in Seattle, ate more delish food(check out that fresh fish below!), met some awesome humans, drank lotsa wine, and smiled a lot. I split my stay 1/2 with Heather and 1/2 with Allison (full post here).

July

So, my plans for a “low key” summer had pretty much vanished at this point. I had planned on getting a grip on my thesis, which I did, but I also did a ton of freaking traveling and it made for an awesome summer. I haded back to Chicago for more family and friends. Lotsa sangria on my cousins roof and nice strolls around Lakeview/Downtown/Ogden Dunes Indiana.

Later that month was Camp Fox! This was my third year being a director and it was the best yet. Fox is a place with legitimately no reception and horrible wifi (you are in the middle of the ocean on Catalina Island) so no IG/FB/blog and a place I voluntarily loose reception on “real life”. Camp life is unlike anything I can describe in this space but just imagine a bunch of people embracing your truest, weirdest self and loving you for it. Camp is a place where I feel appreciated and where I feel like I can give the most to other humans. See those things around our necks? Those are called rags. The rag program at the Y is essentially an outward symbol of an inward goal or goals and Y campers/directors/counselors are encouraged to start on this journey and work through their goals during the year and come back to camp and re-evaluate (you only wear your rags at camp and can only move up rags or re tie at camp). If you accomplished your goals you can move up a rag color and sit down and take some very quiet time with yourself to think about what’s next, get counseled by someone of equal or higher rag color, and go through the ceremony to start your new goals. There’s a little more to the rag program but I don’t want to make this too long. This year I got my gold rag and it means a lot to me. My goals have a lot to do with my professional life as a future RD as well as some personal standards I want to hold myself to. I’ll definitely need more than a year for this rag but I wanted to show you guys that part of my life and part of what the Y does for me and others in helping us grow. It was an honor to be asked to tie several rags from my campers and counselors on my unit- holds a special place in my heart because each of my rags has helped me through obstacles in my life and that’s what they do for others, too! 

If you watch my instagram stories you probably see this human below a lot. Chelsea tied my rag and is one of the greatest friends and mentors to me! Wanted to include her here since she was a huge part of 2017 in helping me grow.

July I also flew to Vegas to speak on behalf of Siggis Dairy! I worked with Abi (she was the RD for them at the time and is now traveling the world!) to create a presentation on a little bit about basic sports nutrition and how siggis fits into that. Huge learning experience for me.

August

I traveled through Vienna, Austria with my sister and one of my good friends from college who lives there now! We had such a blast and met our parents in Italy a week later. Such a dream. Check out our whole trip here if you missed it! Austria and Italy.

Selfies in Sienna! Lots of wonderful food and many cities and smiles.

September

Bak to school! This time only graduate courses (except 1) which were wayyy different than undergrad level courses. Lots of self study and way more reading. I loved it. I started teaching a new semester of nutrition and leading the hiking course at CSULA too. Here’s some of my class hiking Switzer Falls.

October

Any guesses on where I went?! Yes, Chicago. I worked for siggis at their booth at FNCE, the conference put on by the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. I worked with some of my favorite people and we shared an air bnb, so fun! You know Emilie and JJ now, next up is Alayna and Winnie.

I also got to meet these amazing RDs! I just about cried out of excitement because again, I felt like I knew them from their blogs and IG and have so much respect for them and hope to be as successful as they  are as a future RD. Also this was when May told me she passed her RD exam and I again almost cried out for excitement for her! She has been a constant source of support for me ever since I met her back in 2016 graduating college. She is so insightful, caring, and funny. 

Meme, May, Rachael, Alexis, and Robyn.

At this point I was saying to myself how amazing it would be to have an opportunity to work for or with any of these women and then boom December came and that opportunity happened.

This was also the month my best friend got into freaking nursing school! Sarah is my best friend and we joke that we are each others only friend- even though that’s not true at all, we do understand each other so well and our lives this year living at home while somewhat adulting have been nearly identical so it was just awesome to see her accomplish this. We spent many beach weekends at her family’s beach house in Newport this year.

November

I think this wins as the best month of the year. Zion with my grad school friends. 2 concerts, and tons of friend seeing. Each day in November felt packed to the gills especially with the holidays starting and Friendsgivings and family time. So much and all so good! We also had some of our hardest presentations and did so well. I love seeing my friends get into their little nutrition niches.

December

This was a great month because another semester DONE. Just one more to go. I also found out I was chosen to be one of Robyn’s interns and it was basically a dream come true. I can’t wait to learn from her! We took a family trip to Lake Arrowhead as well and it was fun to laugh together and spend time before my sister leaves for college again. + more sweet time with friends that made the end of the year perfect!

An there you have it! My year in review. What a wonderful one it was. I hope yours was amazing and if it wasn’t then I hope 2018 is filled with learning experiences and more smiles for you :).