23

23 has been my most vulnerable year yet. I thought 22 was hard but I was wrong- this was harder but in the best way, a personal growth way. 23 was filled with the end of the school part of my Masters degree in Nutritional Science, true friends emerging and others falling through the cracks, seeing more of the world, and a shiz ton of growing. This year was filled with some of the loneliest days where my anxiety seemed like this heavy, heavy blanket that I couldn’t lift off but also so many days where I felt so much love and happiness well up in my heart I think if you looked me I was physically beaming.

(This last trip to Seattle, WA last June right after turing 23 was when my tummy got this fuzzy feeling like “Con you could totally live here” and it made the trip really special!)

*all the photos included are times where my heart wanted to burst- one of those beaming moments. I thought remembering some of those here would be fun 🙂

This was the year I felt so lost in my “career” as a Masters student because I had countless moments of what am I actually doing here? Is this stress worth it? Is living at home away from close friends and in a city I don’t feel comfortable in worth it? What is my purpose in this field that already has some phenomenal practitioners in it? I also felt so sure. This year I got almost my entire cohort willing to open up a conversation on Intuitive Eating and HAES after months of doubt and arguments. It has been one of the most amazing things to watch and see them realize that we as practitioners have an opportunity to focus on more than weight, calories, and nutrients. We can focus on helping people find true health, health that prolongs their life in all realms without weight being the focus. Physical health is just one small piece. What about emotional health and mental health. What about being socially comfortable where you are? How does nutrition play into all THAT.

(Our family Italy trip where I had 3 of the most glorious beach days I’ll never forget)

This year I finally became confident in the idea of moving post graduation in May 2019. My time back home has served its purpose for sure. I wanted to come home after undergrad in Chicago for several reasons. I missed my mom and dad. I missed my best friends. I was just starting to love Chicago but I knew my calling was my Masters degree and that degree would be done in LA through my acceptance to CSULA. My program started 7 days after graduation in June 2016 so I had little to no time to grieve that HUGE life transition of college independence to back home… to my childhood bedroom and back to where my parents cook dinner for me. I like to think that these past 2.5 years in my program have just been one big, slow transition and that now, 2 years after that transition home I’m finally coming out on top of it. I finally know what I want and what I’m here for, most days.

((mini) champagne showers for finishing 4 semesters and one quarter of graduate school- FINALLY)

23 was the year of asking for help and admitting to myself that I don’t know it all. I never thought I did but I think it became apparent how little I know about so many things, and thats ok! I thought I knew how to handle my anxiety but I didn’t. I wrote this post introducing myself to Robyn’s readers and I mentioned how I was off anxiety meds and that was a goal of mine to go back to my “normal” self. Some individuals took offense to that saying that I was saying people on meds aren’t normal and I felt horrible because that’s not at all what I meant. For so long I had never had to cope with anxiety and I thought it would stick around for less time than it has. Now I know that living with anxiety is my new normal and that’s cool. I just had hoped my anxiety was shorter lived than it was and this year I realized I think I’m in it for the long haul and walking with anxiety is in fact, my new normal, which meant I had to learn some new coping skills.

(Exploring Zion with my grad school friends was for sure a beaming weekend- I did the scariest hike of my LIFE)

I went back on a very small dose of my meds and started therapy nearing the end of my 23rd year and I think this has had the most profound impact on my life thus far. I have FINALLY gotten so many things off my heart that had just been sitting there for months. Things that I had experienced early in my 23rd year or earlier in life that rocked my world and left me forever changed but that I never really told anyone. Really telling my therapist everything was so cathartic. It was like this 2,000 lb weight was lifted off my shoulders and it just vanished into thin air. She taught me coping skills, how to talk back to my anxiety, how to be ok with not being ok. She taught me that the stuff that I had been worried about was totally legit to worry about and validated my feelings. Feeling validated was something that I didn’t know I needed so much. It just felt freeing to hear somone say, ugh yeah that is a big milestone or a crappy thing, or you HAVE accomplished a lot. I also learned that feeling my feelings doesn’t mean those feelings are true- it means they are VALID. I just grew my self confidence immensely in this process and learned that I need to give myself so, so much more grace.

(The night my friends and I saw Imagine Dragons on a whim- literally we had an opportunity to go with 4 tickets 5 hours before the show while we were at school and we decided to leave class early, caravan to my house, shower, change, pick up a bottle of wine, and head to Anaheim to see such an uplifting show- we were all beaming for DAYS)

23 was when I found out who my real friends are. The people who stuck by my side or by my ear on the phone when I felt lonely in school, lonely in a city that is so big and so unfriendly that even though I’ve grown up here I feel like I know no one anymore, the people who reminded me that I’m good enough in this moment. Being home in LA in night classes most night of the week and having to nanny on weekends so I can live my life (buy plane tickets, eat out, buy gas) allowed my friendships to really reveal themselves. Most of my friends are living their young adult professional lives and I’m still over here in school so that’s been a hard one to figure out. The wanting to be in the same place as them with working and earning a living and not having studying late at night and having weekends off. The comparison monster was so very present this year but I’ve learned to accept and honor my life circumstances and move ON. That has been a hard thing but something that needed to happen. I still have a really hard days but I know those are ok to have.

(You all know Sarah- the only human being who gets me 1000% and I appreciate her so much for it- we get 5 dollar happy hour wine margs at this place together and always leave 10 times happier than when we got there)

23 was vulnerable. This year included SO MUCH emotional growth and I’m thankful for those vulnerable times even though they often came with a lot of tears. I opened myself up to the possibility that I could be in a relationship one day (something that I told myself would probably never happen- my anxiety prevented me from a lot of kinder thoughts to myself for many years). I dated. I asked myself what my values are and I started making plans and decisions based off of those and not what other people’s values were. I started really thinking what I want- me not anyone else. What a FREEING thing that was and IS.

(Nashville– finally being back with some of my best college gal pals- live music isn’t a thing in bars in LA- I LOVED IT)

I’m scared of 24 a little bit because I’m not fully cool with getting older yet but I am excited for what this year will bring. I think I’ll be able to grow in my professional skills as a dietetic intern for the next 365 days and I’m planning lots of fun things to break the stress (Chicago, Croatia, and New Orleans are in the mix!). I’m working on that balance and I’m working on planning things that make me happy and that are out of kindness to myself. It’s all one giant work in progress but I’m excited.

(My sweet Chicago family- I got my family together for apple picking the day before FNCE started- we had a blast!)

June 1, 2018 TAGS: Grad School, Life BY: constancelyeating

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2017

Now, below these words are the highlights of 2017. I like picking a few big things out of each month so I can remember, but also to note that each month brought something new and different to 2017 and all were important! I promise you 2017 was not all highlights. I cried a lot. People made me feel mad, sad, and frustrated. School made me feel exhausted and not smart some days. People came in and out of my life and there were heavy emotions. I lost my great uncle, almost like a third grandfather to me, and had to watch my dad loose the second biggest role model to him and watch my family grieve once again. Life isn’t all a highlight reel but I want to look back on 2017 through the high point lens and just acknowledge that there were lows. If we don’t experience and accept negative emotions then we are simply denying a fact of life. Not everything can be positive or looked at in a positive light and I think if we try that there is a lot of denial going on. So all that to say, I’m human and I have crappy parts of life and myself that I don’t enjoy just like you do! However, I had a freaking blast this year.

I hadn’t planned this year to be “the most fun year yet” but in my last 23, it has been hands down the year I’ve smiled the hardest and for that I’m so grateful! I think that has a lot to do with the friends I’ve made through grad school and for the personal choice of putting myself out into the world to open up myself to others more than I already have. I mentioned I cried a lot this year, much like 2016, but these tears were different. In 2016, I was still working on my anxiety (I still am now but it’s no longer the center of my attention) and it was a big transition year for me. I cried because I left college, because every day things still made me incredibly anxious and that pissed me off, and I cried because that year was lonely at times. When we have huge transition years, graduations, deaths, marriage, personal victories, etc, I think that is to be expected. 2017 tears were because I told myself it was ok to be vulnerable and I sort of knew that tears would just come with that. Vulnerable not just in personal life, in school life (speaking my mind on a huge presentation and teaching my students with my heart in it, not just my head), in fun situations (saying my studying can wait, this random concert opportunity can not) etc.

I share my personal life with you, to an extent. There is A LOT I leave out because, well, it’s personal and I’m not about to make this blog switch from constancelyeating to constancelydating or constancelybeinga20something because 23 is a weird freaking year and getting rude comments on how I’m choosing to live my personal life via DM on instagram or on a blog comment is really hard to deal with. Also, personal life stuff is just personal- super simple. I get asked the question “when am I getting grand kids?!” or “soooo, any cute boys in your life right now?!” (or something along those lines) a couple of times a week when I’m just living my life and it wears. a person. DOWN.

The answer to those above questions are, in this order, “I don’t know when you are getting grandkids, that’s for God to decide”, and “mm I’m working on it”. So, this year has just been a TON of trial and error, a lot of “mmm not sure how that makes me feel”, “oh gosh, I need to get out of here”, lots of alone time in my thoughts and prayers, and tons of time just “saying screw it, “let’s do it!” (not even kidding you, it’s either said in my head or out loud and it usually ends up being super fun or I learn a lot from it). So, in short, in 2017, I cried a lot of personal growth tears and I don’t regret them. 2016 was transition tears. What kind of tears will come in 2018 I have no freaking clue but I’ll be there saying some more of “screw it, let’s do it!” and probably some “nope, tried that before, learned from it, and moving on!” because that’s what your 20’s are for, or so I’m told. They are for learning a lot and I totally get that.

I have no goals for 2018 except for hoping to be on the blog a little more and to continue being curious about everything, people, nutrition, life, school, etc. I don’t plan on changing my body or diet in any way and I hope to become a more confident intuitive eater and do lots of continuing education.

Now, on to the FUN STUFF. I realized a lot of money was spent on airfare in 2017, probably won’t change that in 2018!

January

Before starting school I hopped on a plane to Seattle to visit one of my best friends Heather from high school. I had never been before and I LOVED it. I think this was the first trip I had ever planned by myself and was just like yup, I want to go there so it’s happening. I also got to see my Chicago gal pal Allison for a bit. I ate LOTS of great food (including Molly Moons ice cream below) and actually linked it (for what I ate and did- also my favorite coffee of all time) all here.

I started my Spring Semester at CSULA taking all the second parts to classes like Medical Nutrition Therapy, Advanced Nutrition, Management Principals in Dietetics , and Maternal Nutrition among others. This was I think my hardest semester looking back at it. So. many. numbers.

I posted this photo at the end of January and remember feeling super happy with how this dress fit (cellulite and imperfections included). 2017 was the beginning of me embracing dressing my body and loving it. I gave away a ton of clothes that didn’t fit me anymore and just let it go.

February

Much of the same, school wise. Later in this month was my first year being an advisor for the Youth and Government YMCA program and going to Sacramento as an adult and not a high school teen! So fun. I do remember having to sprint back to my room to get a few hours of studying in between sessions. This year that won’t be the case. Can I get an amen for no more MNT?!

This trip to Scramento was also cool because I only packed necessary snacks (granola bars/trail mix/apples for snacks that I did’t want to pay triple the price for at a store or hotel lobby) and just sort of browsed the city for food when I felt like it. Patted myself on the back for that intuitive eating decision.

That month I was asked to speak to the senior group at the Y to answer some of their nutrition questions and I was so excited! This would later lead to speaking to more senior groups later in the year because people enjoyed it. I started to realize teaching was something I really enjoyed.

March

Addie and May came to LA and stayed with me! We had so much fun trying new restaurants and putzing around LA. We took so many photos of our food and no one got mad- ha!

Next up was Expo West- such an overwhelming but fun experience! It’s a giant food show where vendors and bloggers/foodies meet and eat a TON of the most random combos of food ever like an ice cream sandwich and then some pasta and then a chip and then a protein smoothie with Cheerios in it. I finally got to meet my pals Emilie, Haley, JJ, and more! It was so nice hugging people in real life after feeling like you know them so well off the internet. Meeting them was also really important to me because they are all in my shoes and it’s so nice to have people studying nutrition and being a young 20 something to just talk life with.

April

More school + I left for Chicago at the end of March-first week of April for my Spring break to see my family and friends! Lot’s of Jenis ice cream, pizza from my favorite Italian place, train rides to see my grandparents, and hugs from my Chicago humans.

Ella she’s so big now UGH! We celebrated her 5th birthday this year!

May

May was a lot of finishing up with school and trying not to loose my marbles. I always feel like towards the end of any semester I start going a little crazy and my main goal is just to keep it together. May is always filled with celebrations, friends graduating, friends birthdays etc. Always fun to celebrate!

HOORAY. I remember walking out of this final almost collapsing on the floor. I think it took me almost the whole 2.5 hours to complete the last MNT thing before my clinical rotations and we were so stinkin happy- look at us- all the smiles!

June

I turned 23! June was such a fun month I planned another trip to Seattle because, why not, and I just began to feel really confident in myself as an intuitive eater, a 20 something, and I just had lots of grateful thoughts. Maybe it was because I didn’t have classes weighing me down and this was my first break since graduating college?! Whatever it was, it was fun.

Went on the coolest hike (Lake 22) this time in Seattle, ate more delish food(check out that fresh fish below!), met some awesome humans, drank lotsa wine, and smiled a lot. I split my stay 1/2 with Heather and 1/2 with Allison (full post here).

July

So, my plans for a “low key” summer had pretty much vanished at this point. I had planned on getting a grip on my thesis, which I did, but I also did a ton of freaking traveling and it made for an awesome summer. I haded back to Chicago for more family and friends. Lotsa sangria on my cousins roof and nice strolls around Lakeview/Downtown/Ogden Dunes Indiana.

Later that month was Camp Fox! This was my third year being a director and it was the best yet. Fox is a place with legitimately no reception and horrible wifi (you are in the middle of the ocean on Catalina Island) so no IG/FB/blog and a place I voluntarily loose reception on “real life”. Camp life is unlike anything I can describe in this space but just imagine a bunch of people embracing your truest, weirdest self and loving you for it. Camp is a place where I feel appreciated and where I feel like I can give the most to other humans. See those things around our necks? Those are called rags. The rag program at the Y is essentially an outward symbol of an inward goal or goals and Y campers/directors/counselors are encouraged to start on this journey and work through their goals during the year and come back to camp and re-evaluate (you only wear your rags at camp and can only move up rags or re tie at camp). If you accomplished your goals you can move up a rag color and sit down and take some very quiet time with yourself to think about what’s next, get counseled by someone of equal or higher rag color, and go through the ceremony to start your new goals. There’s a little more to the rag program but I don’t want to make this too long. This year I got my gold rag and it means a lot to me. My goals have a lot to do with my professional life as a future RD as well as some personal standards I want to hold myself to. I’ll definitely need more than a year for this rag but I wanted to show you guys that part of my life and part of what the Y does for me and others in helping us grow. It was an honor to be asked to tie several rags from my campers and counselors on my unit- holds a special place in my heart because each of my rags has helped me through obstacles in my life and that’s what they do for others, too!

If you watch my instagram stories you probably see this human below a lot. Chelsea tied my rag and is one of the greatest friends and mentors to me! Wanted to include her here since she was a huge part of 2017 in helping me grow.

July I also flew to Vegas to speak on behalf of Siggis Dairy! I worked with Abi (she was the RD for them at the time and is now traveling the world!) to create a presentation on a little bit about basic sports nutrition and how siggis fits into that. Huge learning experience for me.

August

I traveled through Vienna, Austria with my sister and one of my good friends from college who lives there now! We had such a blast and met our parents in Italy a week later. Such a dream. Check out our whole trip here if you missed it! Austria and Italy.

Selfies in Sienna! Lots of wonderful food and many cities and smiles.

September

Bak to school! This time only graduate courses (except 1) which were wayyy different than undergrad level courses. Lots of self study and way more reading. I loved it. I started teaching a new semester of nutrition and leading the hiking course at CSULA too. Here’s some of my class hiking Switzer Falls.

October

Any guesses on where I went?! Yes, Chicago. I worked for siggis at their booth at FNCE, the conference put on by the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. I worked with some of my favorite people and we shared an air bnb, so fun! You know Emilie and JJ now, next up is Alayna and Winnie.

I also got to meet these amazing RDs! I just about cried out of excitement because again, I felt like I knew them from their blogs and IG and have so much respect for them and hope to be as successful as they are as a future RD. Also this was when May told me she passed her RD exam and I again almost cried out for excitement for her! She has been a constant source of support for me ever since I met her back in 2016 graduating college. She is so insightful, caring, and funny.

Meme, May, Rachael, Alexis, and Robyn.

At this point I was saying to myself how amazing it would be to have an opportunity to work for or with any of these women and then boom December came and that opportunity happened.

This was also the month my best friend got into freaking nursing school! Sarah is my best friend and we joke that we are each others only friend- even though that’s not true at all, we do understand each other so well and our lives this year living at home while somewhat adulting have been nearly identical so it was just awesome to see her accomplish this. We spent many beach weekends at her family’s beach house in Newport this year.

November

I think this wins as the best month of the year. Zion with my grad school friends. 2 concerts, and tons of friend seeing. Each day in November felt packed to the gills especially with the holidays starting and Friendsgivings and family time. So much and all so good! We also had some of our hardest presentations and did so well. I love seeing my friends get into their little nutrition niches.

December

This was a great month because another semester DONE. Just one more to go. I also found out I was chosen to be one of Robyn’s interns and it was basically a dream come true. I can’t wait to learn from her! We took a family trip to Lake Arrowhead as well and it was fun to laugh together and spend time before my sister leaves for college again. + more sweet time with friends that made the end of the year perfect!

An there you have it! My year in review. What a wonderful one it was. I hope yours was amazing and if it wasn’t then I hope 2018 is filled with learning experiences and more smiles for you :).

December 30, 2017 TAGS: Life BY: constancelyeating

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My Intuitive Eating Journey

*This post was written as an introduction to everyone on Robyn’s blog but I wanted to have it here for future reference 🙂 I didn’t want to change it right now so I left the intro as is- may change that up in the future!

Hi everyone! Connie here, intern number 2, and it’s so nice to blog meet all of you! I can’t tell you how excited I am for the opportunity to share a little bit of my intuitive eating journey with you and to learn from Robyn. I’m currently a second year graduate student in the California State University Los Angeles Masters program for Nutritional Science and Coordinated Dietetic Program and will soon have those MS, RD letters after my name (YAY.). I would now consider myself a pretty confident intuitive eater in the sense that I’ve got it covered personally, but also I’ve become more and more comfortable each day talking about it with other members of my cohort and in places like constancelyeating or with friends and family. It took me a while to get here though. Here’s my story!

It all started around high school, a place I actually really enjoyed! I went to an all girls private school in La Canada, California and was really active in soccer and track, the dance company, a leader of our retreat team, and several outside activities including the YMCA where I’m still active in youth development today. I was also diagnosed with anorexia my freshman year. My ED was nipped in the butt pretty fast through counseling and a dietitian which is pretty uncommon but my mental health would be something I had to work on for years to come even if I was physically “healthy”.

3 years later, towards the end of high school, I thought I weighed too much so my mom allowed me to see a nutritionist that practiced a lot of restrictive weight reduction methods both mentally and physically and now when I look back at that time, it kind of makes me sad that a number on the scale had so much meaning to me. To me, smaller equaled more valuable- something that I now realize is 100% false. From freshman year Connie to senior, there was over a 45-pound weight difference with a lot of fluctuation and a 2-year loss of/irregular period. My body went through a lot.

Amidst the joy of graduation and even a debutante ball, I left sunny LA to head to Chicago for college and surprise, surprise I was super involved. I joined a sorority, lead on the executive board of that sorority, taught Zumba and other fitness classes at our college gym, babysit a bunch, spent a lot of time with my Chicago family, and was as close to a 4.0 Health Science student as I could be. I’m a highly involved perfectionist, if you can’t tell.

(Two of my best friends in high school- still 2 of my main humans today!)

Early in college, my grandfather passed away around the same time of my first (out of 4) chemistry classes I would later take at DePaul. I had never lost anyone before and I had no idea how to grieve. With the loss of someone I loved so much and the stress of taking a class where failing was more common than succeeding I found myself in therapy for both of those things.

With time, my anxiety worsened, and I found myself controlling food to just have an ounce of calm in my life. I didn’t think anything was wrong with that and I didn’t even know I was doing it but looking back, I held back from a lot. I missed ice cream dates or late night snacks after going out just for the sake of control.

I ate mainly plant based because I felt that was keeping me squeaky “clean” and I overexercised, to put it shortly.

(Sweaty post teaching Zumba. I love being a student in classes now.)

I knew something was up when junior year winter break I started feeling lightheaded and dizzy and a close mentor at the YMCA asked me if I was sick because I didn’t look like myself. I later found out that my iron was low (wasn’t keeping tabs on that with my plant based diet) and that I really did look sort of blah since all my clothes were baggy and my face wasn’t full anymore. I felt blah too. Emotionally, I was having a really hard time with school and I cried a lot- like every day. Some days I would be in these slumps that I couldn’t get out of (partly Chicago winters/seasonal depression, partly I needed help). I tried to hide all of this from friends/sorority sisters and did a pretty good job (I think?).

*side note- I have nothing against plant based diets, however, I was using plant based as a cover for disordered eating and realizing that was a big step for me

(Once I embraced intuitive eating, quesadillas became a regular thing.)

That same year I came back home for spring break and brought my college friends/sisters with me. My dad had told me he had made a psychiatrist appointment for me and that I would be attending…end of story. I appreciated that and really do attribute my change in mindset to yes, the medication I was on for anxiety that allowed me to heal, but also my dad for making the first move for me.

Upon coming back to Chicago for spring quarter after break, I had a new outlook. After a few weeks, the meds had really started helping me. When people ask me about what the meds allowed me to do was really give me a little more space between stimulus and my reaction to that stimulus. Prior to that, my anxiety was just one step ahead of me and I felt so out of control in my own head with all decisions including food.

My first intuitive eating decision came soon after my return to Chicago that spring while eating dinner with my family at our favorite Italian place we ate at often. Instead of going with the voice inside my head that said “you should have the salad”, I asked myself what I actually wanted and that was meatballs, I really wanted the darn meatballs, and pasta please. You guys, I have never felt so liberated in my life. I totally surpassed a comfortable full but I figured out how that worked a little later down the line.

After that, I started challenging myself to make small little decisions like that more often and I also started to practice more enjoyable movement. I stopped running to the lake- I walked. I stopped adding on extra workout days on top of teaching and started yoga instead. I went out with my friends more and ate more food that was satisfying to me. I hadn’t had a donut in YEARS and one day I saw Stans in Chicago and was like, “yes, this is sooo happening”. I started to realize there were some negative people in my life and began the conscious effort of letting them go. I felt my clothes getting tighter and I bought new ones instead of crying over my body changes.

As things were just getting so good, I graduated. Senior year was hands down my favorite year in Chicago and I wish I could have lived all 4 years like that but hey, you live and you learn. It seemed like that last year or so went so fast because I had so much more time to think about and do more things besides overanalyze my body.

Two months before graduation I found out that I was one of a small group of people that was accepted into my current program at CSULA and nothing felt more right.

Within 7 days of graduation, I started a full time summer quarter at CSULA and it has been the most enjoyable learning experience ever since. The coolest intuitive eating principal I mastered in those early months back home in LA was finding my ideal hunger and ideal full. Learning that there will be leftovers and that I could stop at full and still have room for dessert to move me from full to satisfied was the best thing ever.

Each month I felt like I tackled one more thing and I became more and more confident in my intuitive eating abilities. After about a year and a half of grad school I knew helping people become intuitive eaters and reject the diet mentality was 100% something I wanted to pursue in my future career as an RD.

Where I’m at in my story now is a really good place. It’s funny how a change in my eating led to a chain reaction in my whole life. I live more intuitively now and that mindset has brought so much good (in more ways than how I look at food)! I look forward to sharing more with you guys in 2018 and wish you and your friends and family the happiest of holidays.

December 22, 2017 TAGS: Intuitive Eating, Life BY: constancelyeating

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Fall Semester Goals

I have no joke been writing a number of blog posts and then in the middle of them either got cut for time or felt like I was forcing writing so nothing has been posted. As I was catching up on my favorite blogs, I was reading Robyn’s goals and it inspired me to create some for myself this new semester. Since I’m still a student most of my life revolves around the chunks of time that school is in session. I live my life by semesters and breaks- weird?

Anyways, before we leave for Europe on Monday (Vienna, Austria and then 3 towns in Italy) I want to get into a good headspace with school while I have a few moments to really be intentional. I was on campus today purchasing my parking permit so I think it’s nice and fresh in my mind.

Spain vacation last summer- my sister was an au pair!

This will be my last typical school year with 2 traditionally packed semesters and the rest of my time will be spent in my rotations. I’m taking a good number of 5000 level classes which are just the required Masters level classes in addition to community nutrition which is still a 4000 level class. I’m excited for all of them to be honest! Most excited for the class regarding counseling skills.

What I really want to work towards is this

Work hard the whole time through. I’m pretty good at this at the beginning of the semester but then let life stress me out with my other 226326 commitments that I start to doze off in preparing for class or catch myself doing other little tasks rather than stay totally focused during lecture. I want to focus on being present in all aspects of my school work.

(not a bad looking campus eh?!)

2. Continue to step outside of what is simply required. I could literally sit on my booty all day and just show up when I feel like it to class and probably still get decent grades but that’s not how I do things. I already committed to attending FNCE in October in Chicago and I want to continue to attend online seminars or other continuing education even though I’m not an RD yet. Doing this allows me to network as well as learn from RDs in the field.

3. No social media past 9 pm (school nights/study nights). I can get sucked into comparison to other people especially later at night when I’m just in bed reading or bored studying and need a distraction. I think with that cut off time I’ll be able to stay focused on the task at hand which most of the time is winding down or filling up on info.

4. Intentionally keep up with relationships. Keeping up with friends is hard. I’ve been out of college for about a year now and it’s such a change. This summer at camp I thought long and hard about relationships and I want to pour energy and time into those that make me a better human and that make me happy- life is too short for anything less. That might mean a few more phone calls, a written letter, or a face time call. Whatever it is I want to be a little better!

(forever thankful for Delta Zeta for bringing me this human)

5. Find just one day a week to disconnect from school. I don’t even know if this will be possible but I’m going to really really try.

Some advisors running on bad food and little sleep in Sacramento for the week with our Y and G teens- who btw are some of the smartest- most driven teens in the country!

That’s it. I’ll check in with you guys in December with these! What are some of your goals?!

August 5, 2017 TAGS: Grad School, Life BY: constancelyeating

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Trusting Myself

Less than an hour ago my psychiatrist told me that I’m done with my anxiety meds. Within literally 3 minutes I went from elated to proud to doubtful. Don’t get me wrong, I am so proud of myself for the progress I’ve made with my mental health in the last 2 years but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared without my medication crutch beside me. I’ve been on meds for 2 years and they have helped me immensely. I’ve said this before but if you are on meds you are not less than. I wanted to go off to see if I felt better on or off them.

When I started my meds I was crying nearly every day, I hyperventilated as a test was being circled around the room, and I had constant thoughts of inadequacy because I compared myself to so many people. Now? Now I smile every day, cry sometimes because I’m an emotional human, feel confident in my studying as the exam is being passed around the room, and I’m content with myself as human.

Meds were not the only thing that helped this transition happen. The meds kept me calm enough to learn about myself and how to cope with my feelings in a constructive way. They let me sign up for therapy, try and fall in love with yoga and meaningful movement, quit my Zumba instructor license because it didn’t make me happy anymore, look at my body in the mirror and say “this is my body, it’s pretty cool!” and they let me feel negative emotions and sit with them but also move on to other emotions.

(Whole Wheat Banana Bread from Lee– I think she’s super cool!)

What I realized in this half hour post appointment is that what I need to do now is trust myself.

I’m eating the food my body craves whenever it craves it, I’m moving in a way I enjoy, I’m surrounding myself with the people I want to be surrounded by, and I’m choosing activities that make me happy, not another person. I used to do this thing where I wanted to please others so much I forgot that pleasing myself was important too. Let me tell you, pleasing others will bring you little joy. Doing what makes you happy is the most important and then and only then can we think of others. Selfish? No. I believe that before we can focus on others or help others we need to help ourselves or at least begin to help ourselves so we can be open and ready.

(This cooking light salad for dinner one night this week- LOVED IT)

So I’m writing this to mark a happy time in my life. If you are struggling with any sort of mental health issue do yourself a favor and ask for help. I promise you won’t regret it and there is nothing wrong with it! I am happier than I have ever been and I feel like life is sort of my oyster right now. Go out and trust yourself because you are more than capable of doing so.

(Birthday dinner at Bacari one of my favorite places!)

HAPPY MONDAY!

June 5, 2017 TAGS: Anxiety, Eats, Life BY: constancelyeating

Uncategorized

2016

What a YEAR. Let’s reflect shall we?

January: I headed back to DePaul for my last Chicago winter in the foreseeable future to work as an Anatomy and Physiology TA, a fitness instructor, and a senior Health Science Undergraduate Student. It was my favorite winter- I felt comfortable in my place, loved my roomies, and started to get a little sappy about leaving.

February: Much of the same. I also attended my first Fitness Conference at Purdue University where I worked out for literally 3 straight days and realized that fitness is not where I see myself. It was here where I blogged furiously on my blogspot about realizing that I enjoy teaching group fitness for the fun of it. Everyone was walking around that conference with extreme fitness goals for their self whether wanting to expand their clientele, move higher in their place of employment which for most everyone was campus recreation, or to at some point make fitness part of their professional lives or pretty much their whole lives. There I was thinking to myself- absolutely not. I came away from that weekend with sore muscles and a changed heart in regards to the way I think about fitness. I think I thought the same all along but it took me being in a room full of people deep in that industry to realize teaching wasn’t something I saw as a long term thing for myself.

March: Much of life was consumed with finals and I took many many lake breaks. I still remember the sound of the water hitting the concrete wall. Nothing soothes me more than that place not even the ocean.

I also got to spend time with my sweet friend Shelby! Her dad treated us to an AMAZING dinner at RPM owned by Bill and Giuliana Rancic filled with some decadent food and great conversation that made me smile!

I came back home for Spring Break and had a lot of time with my sister and we went over to Oma’s house to sit by the pool! She’s 83 (82 here) and doing great!

April: April was a HUGE month for me. It started with my 4th and final Cubs opener with my family and bff/cousin Ella. My cousins live next door to Wrigley and I went to more Cubs related things in those 4 years than I had in my life- and it was so freaking fun. I was raised a Cubs fan but never got an opportunity to be present there until I went to DePaul. Also of COURSE the year I leave Chicago is when the Cubs win the World Series. I’m just a little salty.

Next was an awesome weekend spent at my grandparents farm in the middle of no where Indiana. It’s Amish country with no wifi and barely any signal. I was so sick this weekend but it was also the most amazing weekend. I hadn’t been to the farm since I was a kid and it was so awesome to be back. I hadn’t done this rock climbing/ladder skimming/water wading hike since I was little and forgot how amazing it was to be in the hollows of rocks and to see what nature made. Unreal. I was grateful to get away from the city and be there.

The BIGGEST thing of the year was hearing that I had gotten into GRAD SCHOOL. I had made it into CSULA’s graduate program in Nutritional Science as well as being one of about 15 applicants admitted into the Coordinated Dietetic Program as well and I was floored. I had spend months studying for the GRE, filling out applications, knocking on the director’s door at CSULA getting more info, and WAITING to hear. It was an amazing day to say the least. My DZ sister Annie who worked at More Cupcakes in Chicago made this cute thing for my to announce on constancelyeating and it made my day.

On top of all that I attended the Pediatric Nutrition Conference at Lurie Children’s Hospital with Ann, the RD and CDE who wrote me a letter of rec for my grad program, showed me what the real life of a clinical pediatric dietitian does and became a sweet mentor for me.

Last of all I taught my last Zumba class ever at Dance Marathon for DePaul. FTK and See ya!

May: Much of the same- Cubs games, good food, friends, and some fun foodie events!

Siggis Dairy Nordic Cooking Class and the grand opening of a new Portillos in Chi! Hello intuitive eating in fuller swing- bring on them fries!

June: I turned 22 and graduated college. What?

Pub Royale in Chicago- HIGHLY recommend.

BS done. MS RD to go!

I would be no where without Delta Zeta. This sorority filled my life with women I hope to become, experiences I’m thankful to have had, and life long friends.

I also started Graduate School 6 days after undergrad graduation. So that was a whirlwind.

My first food science class- hairnets, gross black pants, lab coats and all- and yes there were 6 ovens on in a room with no air conditioning on serval 100+ degree days- what a time.

July: My parents and I met my sister in Spain where she was a Au Pair for the summer. It was an awesome trip. We ate tapas like no tomorrow , had sangria every night, and enjoyed the wonderful history. We went to Granada, Sevilla, Madrid,Cordova, Toledo, and and more! This was the first our of country vacation as an intuitive eater and I have never had so much fun eating in my life.

All smiles except for when I was sweating out of my clothing in the 100+ degree heat every day and lack of AC. BUT mostly smiles.

August: I started my next semester of grad school and was offered a part -time faculty position at CSULA in the kinesiology department teaching basic nutrition. (Still in shock) I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to teach well and that my students wouldn’t like me and I was terrified of my next classes. I also had some nice family time squished in there before Kate left for Tulane- her freshman year!

September: I keep chugging along with school, went to train for being an advisor for my YMCA’s Youth and Government Program, started coaching my 2 teams of 5 year old boys with my dad in AYSO soccer, and somehow got sleep.

Youth Development is my jam. I think empowering young people is one of the best things I have an opportunity to do. Kids make me smile and offer a different perspective that is so refreshing.

Lots of car food!

October: A super fun month with lots of events again! I got to know my family group aka the 15 ish kids Im responsible for at Y and G conferences and just getting to see them grow has been amazing. In a matter of months their confidence in public speaking and making connections with each other has made my time there worth while.

I also got to host the Instagram stories for Cafe Gratitude at their annual Vegan Taco Competition having various restaurants come in and having the public and judges decide which taco gets voted best! My vote went to Gracias Madre! Constancelyeating started to grow a little faster here.

I also got to host a Healthy Halloween table at my YMCA making trail mix and fun snacks while they carved pumpkins and had a costume competition.

Lastly, Soul Cycle was so kind in inviting my friends and for a free class to take together. My grad school friends got to meet my Y friends who got to meet my life long friends. It was awesome. Oh and my mom rocked at soul cycle!

November: Soccer season ended- the holidays began, my Y and G kids killed the game, my Chicago cousins came here for Disneyland and I got to be there for it all.

My dysfunctional 5 year olds brought a smile to my face every Saturday and hugging them and their families good bye was blah. They asked the weirdest questions- forgot they they were playing soccer and picked grass instead- and gave the biggest hugs.

December: I finished my last finals of my Fall semester and ended up with a 4.0 GPA and an exhausted mind. This is what the last final (MNT no less!) on our faces looks like!!! I am so grateful to have met some amazing friends. I was scared I wouldn’t be in the right program and that it just wouldn’t work but all of us work together like we were meant to be here and I am so happy. School would be horrible without them and I look forward to Spring with these ladies by my side!

I also got to see Dani who flew in for her winter break in LA. Dani is my little in my sorority and she gets me. I appreciate her dedication to her faith, her ability to lighten any situation, and just being the kick ass/successful/spontaneous person that she is!

I also started the 40 hours I needed for my Institutional Food Service Class at Project Angel Food in Hollywood. I went into it with no expectations but in the middle of my hours now I am so lucky to be able to work in this space. The people that make up the organization are just good hearted and share the love with you. I feel appreciated and enjoy the time I spend there. It has been such a great way for me to spend my break off school. I’m totally coming back after my 40 hours are done.

Thats it for now. I hope you had a wonderful year- I sure did and I can’t wait to see what 2017 brings.

January 1, 2017 TAGS: Grad School, Life BY: constancelyeating

Tag: Life

23

2017

My Intuitive Eating Journey

Fall Semester Goals

Trusting Myself

2016